Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I thought I was free

Last Spring I began to embark on a new journey - one that was selected just for me - I was going to Law School - now I could prove how smart I was, now everyone would know how much I knew - now I could finally have something I could call mine........NOW-----
Now here I sit----- I didn't start law school and I am halfway back to where I started. After the kids were moved to full-time school, and I decided not to attend law school,  I was relishing in my new found freedom. I slowly began to realize what I thought was freedom was only a prison.   I was no longer free to say let's spend the day lounging - math and science it will come.  I was no longer free to say today we play - which looks like designing dresses for the American Girl dolls or hiking through the woods or maybe just maybe a game of speed scrabble.  No, now I lived in this world of someone else dictating my schedule - the schedule I thought I would love- the schedule which would allow ME free time- the schedule - which seemed so convenient.  I have to be reminded by my own words from the intro to my cookbook, The Nurture Diet -- "we have to make a concerted effort to shift from convenience to control to take charge of our family's well being at the fundamental core."   What I looked forward to for more convenience I was giving up in control (and if you have read ANY of my previous blogs you know this was a big step) - I was possibly taking a BIG step in the wrong direction.
It would be so much more convenient to have someone else "process" my 15 year old 50 hours out of the week - it would be so much easier to not hassle the "I don't want to's and why do I have to do this" - it would be so much more convenient - but as I learned while writing the Nurture Diet - it's not about convenience - it's about controlling (my favorite word)  where it is used correctly - the environment that my children are subject to.  We get to make that choice - we are not stuck - so if my environment looks like planting a garden and then learning how to make a salad I get that choice.  If my environment looks like ripping through 6 chapters of Geometry in  3 weeks we get to make that choice.  Yes, it would be convenient to be able to have 40 hours a week to schedule lunch dates and haircuts - yes, it would be convenient to hire someone to clean my house and cook my  meals (not taking time to train our kids how to complete the job) - yes, it would be convenient to pull lunch out of a pre-made container (not taking the time to read the ingredient list) - but that is not what God has called me to (please note that I am only speaking for myself - for others your path may look the exact opposite of mine) but God is calling - how he calls is each individuals story.  God has called me - I know without a doubt that my children will be better served by being by my side - as much as, many days, I would like to kick them to the curb.
So what looked like freedom six months ago became MY prison - MY holding pattern - and now - now we are a little bit freer - to discover where God will place us on this path and how He will show us to walk together -

I challenge you today to ask, "Are the choices I'm making convenient or are they placing me in control to allow God to work in and through me?"  This doesn't look the same for all people but know that God is Good all the time and convenience may not always be what it seems.

1 comment:

  1. Lovely, lovely post! The question at the end has made me think about some choices we have made or are contemplating. Thank you so much for challenging me to desire what God wants for me as we start this new year.


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