Saturday, June 13, 2015

A Man

He walked out the door today, very much a man.  This boy that I love - this boy I have held and attempted to train and at times I have broken in ways no person should break another.  Words of life and love and at time death have been spoken and yelled across the years.  Nights of wondering and regret and joy have kept me awake.  Today, as he walked out the door I was faced with the fact that my boy had somewhere in the midst of it all become a man.  They do that I guess right in front of us while were watching, while were hoping, while were dreaming - it happens so fast and so slow all at the same time that I think we are lost in the vortex.   The vortex of not being able to see past the swirl of activity and life and then, the spinning stops and we can stand back and take a look - and there stood in front of me a man.  I was not surprised that he had become a man I was surprised that it had taken me so long to notice.  As I woke and was coming down the stairs he was walking out.  With a cooler in one hand and a baseball bag over his shoulder he was headed out to baseball game number ? one million.  I was caught off guard.  How many Saturday mornings had I been up early to make the lunch, to pack the cooler, to find the uniform and then to drive to a ball field to watch a game.  It seems like most of my life - but it was just a few years - and now he's out.  All of these jobs done, not by me.  He stood there saying, "I'll see you tonight,"  I stood there wondering did I get it right?  Did I push too hard, not hard enough?  Did I say things that will build up or did I do too much tearing down?  As he walked out the door and it closed behind him, I think my heart stopped for a moment.  A moment that said notice this, take this in, your boy is a man.

"The point to remember is that all our circumstances are in the hands of God. The purpose of prayer is to reveal the presence of God, equally present at all times and in every condition."- Oswald Chambers

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